Composed this while finishing brunch as a satiric afterthought.  This seems to happen at multiple Farmer Boys (I've had brunch on Sunday at a few different ones after church) weekly.  Enjoy:

Testimony (1st draft)

I saw a herd at the Farmer Boys
Eating lunch after church;
They moved the tables, four in all,
And shoved and scraped the chairs.

Frowningly, their matron directed
The movement and the seating.
When all was set--the feeding commenced--
The chirps, the burps, and grunts, and groans:
The sounds of satisfaction.

To conclude:
The tables were out.
The chairs displaced.
The piles desperately clung--
Glued together by the strength and will
Of ketchup and gravy alone:

A sticky reminder Christ's brood was here:
A dingleberry for remembrance.

Top 5 Laziest Inventions

This is pretty interesting and sarcastic.

Legos of course.  Why are they special?  Because I could make them into anything I could dream about.  I certainly wasn't the best at creating new things; my buddies were far more creative with those blocks.  But the fact that I can imagine something and then try to make it take shape using those blocks was fascinating. 

I remember making a cut away of a starship with those blocks.  It had hallways that lead to the bridge, engine room, and gun ports.  That was fun.  Castle Legos and Pirate Legos were my favorite. 

Now it just seems that there's no time to play and all time to work.  I know some people (older than me) that are master builders and do some R&D for Legos. I've seen them make spheres out of rectangular blocks.  Amazing.  I've also seen them build Star Destroyers and Death Stars.  Those sets have over 10,000 pieces.

My next favorite toys were of course army men.  I had a small collection of Britains Deetail soldiers.  You know what I think that these were more favored than Legos though I played with Legos more.  I loved setting my soldiers up.  I had a collection of Heer Wehrmacht soldiers that were my favorite I'd set them agains my U.S. soldiers.  It's hard to believe that that brand of army men are now worth quite a bit of money.  I wonder how much my collection is worth.  I tried to keep all my German soldiers in the best condition possible they were, of course, far cooler than the other figures.


   

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The hearts of my victims, but chances are I ate them already so it'll probably be fried chicken and a nice fat cowboy ribeye steak from Ruth's Chris Steakhouse--served by naked playboy playmates.  Hey I'm going to die.  Is it necessary to be completely proper?

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This is an interesting article.  Just read it.

I can't believe that anyone would want to humiliate their child by giving them a bizzare name.  I mean "Sex Fruit" and "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii?"  What kind of frakked off names are those?   I thought "Latrina" was pretty awful for as student to have or even "Lemonjello" and "Orangejello" were pretty insane.  

I used to think that Samuel was a pretty damned horrible name, but I realized as time went on it was quite a good name.  An 18th century name, a name authors, statesmen, and beer. 

But to make up some weirdo name out of ignorance and or puerile amusement is beyond comprehension.  Those people should have their heads guillotined off for tormenting their children this way.