June 11, 2008
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How would you confront a friend with an eating disorder?
Hey Fatty! Stop stuffing your face! Chancho!
Or…Hey are you a refugee or some stupid hippee (I really hate hippees–why don’t you actually do something about it and put your life at risk instead of moaning and groaning for a day or two and then go back to your comfy life in San Fransisco? — there’s this hippee I know at work who is a career sub–but that’s another story) on a meaningless hunger strike protesting China in Tibet? Eat some food! We’re not living in Zanzibar or some God-forsaken, starving, foreign country like Burma where the junta takes all the food and golf carts.
Honestly, why would you confront a friend with a disorder? It’s his fricking life. There really is no reason for me to nose into his business. That’s not being considerate or caring, that’s just being nosey. Unless he is a really good friend who shares his problems and is looking for help, he can eat or not eat himself to death for all I care.
All confrontation is meaningless to a person who isn’t interested in changing. He’ll just ignore it or terminate contact.
If it’s a friend who is struggling and has asked for accountability, then I’d be direct, no-nonsense, and swift. No need to mince words.
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Comments (4)
I hope you realize that I’m about to cry right now. What the hell is wrong with you?
No, I shouldn’t say that. Look–Why should I even bother? I’ve had to do this so many times tonight….
Look, will you please do something for me? Will you go to my website and read my weblog about my eating disorder. I would really appriciate it because………..I don’t want to be like this and I can’t help it. It’s like being addicted to meth. Please try to be more open minded and empathetic. And, I just want you to know that it’s not about being thin or weight or food or anything. It’s really not.
Please read my weblog–NOt the one about my answer to this question, the one about my actual disorder. Please, you really need to understand because you really hurt my feelings–No. You hurt me really bad okay? (But like you care, right?)
@MusicIsMyImaginaryFriend - I’m sorry but I’m going to have to burn you
for your comment. I don’t usually burn people for commenting and
saying their piece whatever it is, however crazy it is–since people
have the freedom of thought & speech in America–and frankly I
enjoy reading all types of comments from hateful to complementary. But
your response is so deliciously, rhetorically, manipulative, I must respond (in Dr. Laura fashion).
You have fair warning. This WILL be unpleasant so stop reading if you feel that you can’t handle criticism or verbal poinards:
1. Learn to read & think critically.
Did you read the last paragraph? You obviously don’t understand the
meaning behind this post at all. It has little to do with eating
disorders and everything to do with MINDLESS NOSINESS.
2. Seek professional help. A blog is NOT therapy. Don’t EXPECT people to actually CARE about your feelings, opinions, or ideas on-line.
That’s what shrinks, family, and friends are for (If you don’t have
any–stop whining and get some–they don’t fall off trees, you know).
Don’t read or ask questions if you know you’re not going like the
response or have an emotional breakdown because of it.
3. I’m not going to read your blog. You’re right. I don’t care about you or your feelings. WHY? Because I don’t NEED to understand; because your feelings are nothing but
bits, bytes, and cyphers to me–you’re neither friend, family, or
comrade. We’ve never laughed or cried, suffered or enjoyed anything, together. Who are you to me to demand anything from me–to appeal for my sympathy?
YOUR LIFE AND YOUR STRUGGLES ARE NONE MY BUSINESS!
4. Your condition is about control.
My good buddy Lawrence-Patrick–who I happen to care deeply about–has
a serious eating disorder. And he understands it comes from his need
for control, controlling others, controlling himself, etc. It’s
horrific to watch him eat cookie after cookie; 40+ in 20 minutes. And
that’s when his other buddies and I have to step in to stop him. WE
CARE. Why? Because he’s one of us, OUR buddy, OUR family. MORE
IMPORTANTLY: he asked us to keep him accountable. It’s our business
because he’s our brother and he made it our business.
Get a grip. Get some real help. Stop trying to control others with
emotional manipulation. Stop trying to find salvation or sympathy from this
cesspool we call Internet Blogging. You’re not going to get it here.
@MusicIsMyImaginaryFriend - I’m sorry. You’re probably right. I just was reading a bunch of really hurtful things on here and got really upset. I just thought you were one of those people who made fun of people like me because you didn’t understand the disorder, and i’m just so sick of that. Sorry, I’ll leave you alone. I”m just a 15 year old girl okay! And I’m really sorry about your friend. It must be so hard for him being a guy with an eating disorder. I didn’t realize I was being manipulative and I won’t do that anymore. Sorry; okay? (Wait I’m not being manipulative right now am I?)
And I just–The only reason I wanted you to read it was cuz I just wanted you to understand what eating disorders were really about, not so that you’d feel sorry for me.
Whatever. I just wanted to apologize.
@MusicIsMyImaginaryFriend - Don’t sweat it. And don’t be so hard on yourself. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself on the internet or be careless who you share to.